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Whether it’s yet another style-section trend piece or a shame-tinged confession that we’ve signed up for Match.com, we have yet to get collectively comfortable with the idea of looking for love online. These portals not only present the whole human grid of desire and stimulation but make that grid real and attainable, nonvirtual, bounded only by the limitations of curiosity and imagination,” Slater writes in his chapter about the proliferation of niche dating sites. Online dating lays bare the sexual economy in which some people (namely tall, white, wealthy men) are guaranteed winners, and others (black women, older women, short men, fat people of all genders) have a tougher time.Although 30 million have dabbled with online dating, that number is surprisingly low for something that ten years ago was supposed to be a “fixture” of singledom. Perhaps decades of Hollywood plotlines that have programmed us to look for love at the crowded party or the local dog park have dampened the thrill of finding a perfect match with a few keystrokes. While it’s true that these dynamics exist offline, too, online dating makes it easy to eliminate whole categories of people by checking a few boxes.Just because we are moving farther away from traditional norms in practice, does not mean we are moving farther away from them in our ideals. At age forty-eight, men are nearly twice as sought after as women.”’s Alexis Madrigal wrote in an excellent response to an excerpt from Slater’s book (published in that same magazine), “It should also be noted: There isn't a single woman's perspective in this story. Or someone who was into polyamory before online dating. Instead we get eight men from the [online dating] industry.” Like most promises of the digital era, online dating hasn’t exploded all of the old norms so much as reinforced many and twisted the rest.Perhaps the paradoxical exclusivity of online dating is at the heart of why we’re still so ambivalent about collectively embracing it.(The survey was commissioned by ) Today, one-third of America’s 90 million singles have used an online dating site.
The answer isn't always a simple 'yes', apparently.
” as if it’s a home remedy to be applied to a pesky rash—never mind that I wasn’t even scratching.
But it seems we’re still trying to convince ourselves that technology-assisted matchmaking is kosher. But even online, the pool is deeper for some singles than for others, and this is where Slater, despite his proselytizing, reveals some of the profound limitations of online dating.
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